


How Could You?

by Grinder1833



Series: Missing Moments [13]
Category: As the World Turns
Genre: Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-06-04
Updated: 2011-06-04
Packaged: 2017-10-20 04:40:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,972
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/208834
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Grinder1833/pseuds/Grinder1833
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Noah and Luke each deal with the disastrous results of New Years Eve.</p>
            </blockquote>





	How Could You?

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I don't own these characters. They are the property of "As the World Turns" and P&G.

Noah was in a daze by the time he reached his dorm room. How he managed to get from Luke’s parents’ house to Oakdale University was nothing short of a miracle. Luke had betrayed him. And even though he’d seen it with his own eyes he still couldn’t believe it. Luke had actually initiated the kiss with Brian...a man more than twice his age, Lucinda’s husband…his step grandfather. It was sick and twisted.

He unlocked his dorm room and was met with a heartbreaking reminder of what else had been lost. The floor of the room was scattered with red rose petals which also covered his bed. Tonight was supposed to have been _the_ night. After a year and two months together they were going to finally make love.

But Luke pissed it all away.

The sight of his room all done up like some cheesy romance novel enraged him. On his desk his iPod was on its docking station ready to play the special “Romantic Luke” playlist he’d spent hours so painstakingly compiling. Next to the iPod was a bottle of sparkling apple cider chilling in an ice bucket. He’d wanted something special to toast with, but he didn’t get champagne since Luke wasn’t supposed to drink.

That hadn’t stopped Luke tonight. The little prick got drunk after he promised he was done with the alcohol.

Noah yanked the sparkling cider out of the ice bucket and threw it at the wall where it crashed and splattered into several pieces, nearly missing his _Casablanca_ movie poster. “I fucking hate you!” he screamed. The rage he felt toward Luke was fueled from a deep, dark place in his psyche that had been reserved only for his father. Until now. Never did he dream that his Luke would elicit such a loathing that chilled him to the core.

_Damn him…damn him…damn him!_

With one fell swoop, Noah knocked the ice bucket, the box of crackers that were supposed to go with the cheese and fruit he had in the refrigerator (because Noah was certain that they’d build up quite an appetite making love all night long), and a box of overpriced truffles off the desk.

“Fuck you, Luke Snyder!” he yelled. “I don’t need you or your bullshit!”

Wheeling around he spotted the hockey skates and stick Luke had given him for Christmas. Luke had been determined to teach him to skate so he could participate in the Snyder holiday hockey games on the pond. They’d spent the following afternoon skating on the pond or in his case trying very hard to skate. Noah had ended up falling more times than he could count and was left full of bruises, but he had an amazing time because he was with Luke. After their first lesson, they’d shared hot chocolate and many kisses.

_Damn Luke. He ruined everything._

Noah it was half tempted to toss the skates into the garbage, but he stopped himself. He could probably make a few bucks on eBay off the slightly used hockey skates because, knowing Luke, they were most likely top of the line. The thought of breaking the stick over his desk chair was also quite appealing, but he figured he could make a few bucks off it as well.

“I’m not saving his stupid gifts for sentimental reasons,” Noah grumbled, turning away from the offending Christmas presents.

However, another unpleasant reminder met his eyes. His bed. Fuck.

He marched over to his bed, snatching the navy blue comforter and tossing it into the corner. Rose petals fluttered like butterflies, landing on his mattress, the floor, his desk, nightstand, and some even made it over to Scott’s side of the room. Thankfully his roommate was spending the holidays in Cincinnati.

His rampage was something right out of _Mommie Dearest_. Noah half expected himself to start ranting about wire hangers. It would have been comical if his heart hadn’t been shattered into a zillion pieces.

All reminders of this horrendous night needed to be gone, which included his clothes. He shrugged off his suit coat, throwing it toward his closet. His tie (the one that Luke had so lovingly adjusted) quickly met the same fate. Dress shirt, pants, socks…hell even his underwear…he didn’t want anything left associated with what was supposed to have been.

Noah also didn’t want to sleep naked because that was how he would’ve slept with Luke, so he retrieved clean underwear, sweats, and a t-shirt. He wished he were tired, but he was too wired to sleep. For a moment, he longed for something alcoholic to drink but dealing with his issues by getting drunk would make him just like Luke.

And he didn’t want to be anything like Luke.

Funny…once upon a time he looked up to Luke, longing to be just like him. Luke had been perfect in his eyes…confident, smart, loving, trustworthy, honest, loyal, and respected. The man he was with tonight was none of those things.

Luke Snyder was dead to him.

Noah needed to get rid of any reminders of his ex-boyfriend. Luke needed to be out of his life. _Now._

Yanking open his nightstand drawer, Noah was faced with another harsh reminded of what was lost tonight. Inside it was the new box of condoms and a tube of lube he’d purchased just for the occasion. He should just throw those away. What a waste.

Unless…

Unless he found someone else to have sex with. There were plenty of other guys out there. Last summer Tony had been dying to get into his pants. When he and Luke went to the GLBTQ meetings he could have sworn a couple of guys flirted with him. Luke wasn’t the only gay man in Oakdale he could fuck. There were others…

But he didn’t want to fuck anyone else. He wanted Luke…the man he’d been waiting his entire life for…

Dammit…no…he couldn’t want Luke. Not after what Luke had done.

Pushing past the condoms and lube, Noah spotted something that ground the remnants of his heart into fine sand. There, at the bottom of the drawer was the picture him and Luke on “their” bench in Old Town. Fuck…it was the same bench Luke had been kissing Brian on. His eyes filled with tears.

“No…no….no…” he begged, not wanting to shed a single tear over Luke, who didn’t deserve it.

Noah picked up the photograph with trembling hands. The young men in it were so in love. He could vividly remember how good Luke felt with his head resting against his chest. Time and again, Noah had sworn Luke was made to fit perfectly in his arms. This photo was proof that they belonged together.

They had…months ago…but not now. Not ever again.

His head was telling him to rip the picture into tiny pieces, but his heart couldn’t let go. God…he still loved him. He still loved Luke. And that’s why this hurt so damn much.

“How could you, Luke?” he cried, tears spilling down his cheeks. “How could you do that to us? I thought you loved me…”

The photo fell out of Noah’s hand and onto the floor. Noah left it there as he lay on the bed, pulling his knees up to his chest. He had never loved and trusted someone was much as Luke Snyder. And Luke just threw it all away as if their relationship never mattered to him.

_Why, Luke? Why?_

****

********

_How could I? How could I have done that to Noah? To us?_ Luke kept asking himself over and over as he paced in his bedroom. He couldn’t stay in the family room. Brian might come home. He couldn’t face him. What the fuck would he tell him?

_What the fuck was I thinking?_

Luke knew he wasn’t…that was the problem. Once again, he just reacted…consequences be damned. Now he was damned to a life without Noah.

He was supposed to be making love to Noah right now. Tonight was finally going to be _the_ night Luke had been waiting for since they’d decided to be boyfriends over a year ago. They had been through so much and had waited so long to get to the big event, which Luke knew was going to be absolutely perfect. Noah had sent him flowers…flowers…such a geeky, romantic gesture. Sometimes Luke felt like Noah thought he was some damsel from one of his black and white films that needed to be wooed. Regardless, Noah had a way of making him feel special.

Now Luke felt anything but.

He sunk onto his bed. “Noah, I’m so sorry,” he whispered.

In that past when they fought, Luke would call or text, but he knew better than to do that now. Noah was livid. Luke never had seen such fury in Noah’s eyes. For a split second he was afraid that Noah might have punched him like Noah had punched Brian. He would have deserved it too.

God…Noah had been ready to defend his honor only to learn that Luke had no honor to defend. Not even a tiny shred. He was worthless. Only a piece of shit like himself would kiss his grandmother’s husband.

Luke’s stomach retched at reality of the situation. He had actually initiated a kiss with Brian Wheatley. Talk about sad and twisted. Not to mention that his grandmother would be devastated if she found out. The list of people Luke hurt just kept getting longer. He was a regular expert at it.

Luke had almost killed his pregnant mother by pushing her down the stairs. Then he turned his back on his dad, choosing to believe all of Damian’s lies. He was even going to leave his family for a new life in Malta with Damian.

Panic seized him. What if he was turning into Damian? Would if all of his Grimaldi genes had finally fought their way to the surface? Luke feared he was turning into a younger version of his bio dad.

 _No…I can’t be like Damian,_ Luke silently lamented. _I won’t. There was a good reason for my actions…_

Luke had been so hurt, watching Noah leave Metro with Maddie…no explanations…nothing. They just left…together. Luke felt as if he’d been kicked in the gut. Suddenly he was back in Branson, barging in the hotel room only to find them naked in bed together. He was the pathetic third wheel, longing for what Maddie had with Noah. She still had what Luke didn’t with Noah. She’d made love to Noah.

 _Tonight you would have made love to Noah if you hadn’t ruined it,_ an inner voice reminded him.

Noah and Maddie’s departure had left him feeling unwanted, undesirable, and unloved. Luke shouldn’t have been feeling any of those things. He definitely shouldn’t have gotten drunk.

Hadn’t he learned that no good ever resulted from his drinking?

Apparently not.

Kissing Brian was an all new low for him. Luke certainly wasn’t attracted to Brian. He sure as hell didn’t want him. But he knew Brian had wanted him and, in Luke’s fucked up mind, Noah no longer desired him. Noah had chosen Maddie…again.

Luke desperately needed to feel desired and he also wanted to get back at Brian for the kiss and the come-ons that had followed it. He wanted revenge. Luke wanted to hurt him because he was hurting. Brian had forced him to lie….

Oh…how he hated lying, especially to his grandmother.

She was going to hate him.

Noah already hated him.

And the rest of his family would too if they ever found out the truth.

Luke curled up on his bed and sobbed. He’d ruined everything. Noah would never forgive him.


End file.
